Do you want to know why I hardly ever appear in photos? It’s not vanity, it’s not because I’m too old, fat, wrinkly or badly groomed to be seen in public, although those are factors, obviously. No, it’s mostly because of my husband.
He is most certainly, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the worst photographer in the world. Boo takes better photos than his Dad, he’s 6! He’s not only bad, he’s reluctant, he doesn’t care if we have no photos of anything, he’s just not interested. He is totally unable to tell if a picture is out of focus or not, doesn’t have any concept of framing and worse still, if he ever does break loose with a camera, he doesn’t care how unflattering those pictures will be. So the kids are going to grow up with nothing to remember me by and in 20 years time, when I’m in a nursing home, I’ll have nothing to show for being glamorous and youthful at 40 something, or even 30 something, we’ve been married ten years.
Inspired by the fabulously bad photography being shared over on Going Nomadic,( check out the worst ever travel photos series, it makes me laugh.) I bring you some of my husband’s best efforts at capturing his wife on film.
Christmas day, Vietnam, having a massage and a tuna sandwich in a bar in Saigon. It’s the only picture of me that Christmas, I think the ketchup bottles really make this one stand out, along with that, whatever it is, on the left, and the fact that he felt it necessary to stand over me to take it, just to make it the most unflattering angle possible.
He really liked that lead grey sky didn’t he! Must have, it takes up half the shot. Vietnam again, Hoi An, I’ve actually managed to crop that one to make it use-able for a mini post about coracles in Vietnam, I thought they were cool.
Can you see me? I’m down in the bottom left corner, I know the Himalayas are big and all that, but is this a picture of me trying to look like an intrepid mountaineering sort, or what? Am I just there for scale?
Here’s a similar one, actually, it’s not so bad, I’ve grown legs and feet and you get the intrepid Andean explorer feel a bit more here. Those fuzzy brownish things in the background are Llamas. He really likes portrait, it would seem.
This was a momentous moment, my first ever view of Sydney Harbour Bridge, skinny and newly arrived from India, so obviously I wouldn’t want my new size 8 legs and jeans in the picture, would I? And Nobody needs to see my face, the bridge is the star after all.
Lastly, we have the Australian outback. Vast expanses of nothingness, other than this main road, he was obviously loving the sky again that day and the dusty red earth. Yay, I love dusty red earth in a car park, best bit of dusty red earth I’ve ever seen.
The worst two ever, I just can’t share, me pregnant on the beach, in a bikini, IN FULL BODY PROFILE, Demi Moore, I am not, and the only shot I have of my newly born eldest son, and me, I don’t even want to go into details about the things he managed to include in that picture.
So there you have it, the reason you will see lots of pictures of the kids on my blog. There just aren’t any of me. Good job Boo is going to be able to take over photographic duties soon. When he’s seven.
Want more on travel photos? Try 10 times my travel photos have scared my Mom. by Danielle.
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MK says
Haha. I can sooo relate although my husband. Over the years I’ve become the designated photographer because I love it. But the lack of me in photos has become very apparent over the years, so much so that friends and family have even commented. So last trip my hubby and two kids vowed to change that. Obligingly I handed over the camera and posed as requested – the result, barely a single usable pic! Clearly I need to do some training.
Kirsty says
LOL!! Try being an actual photographer for a living – not only will my husband not take photos of me, but no one else will – I spent 2 weeks on holiday with my parents and brother and family and did anyone get a snap of me? Nooooo – and yet I don’t really care if they’re badly composed or out of focus – i’d just like it to be shown that I was actually there!!!!! I need to train my kids!!!
James says
A great read, if not a little harsh on your photographically challenged husband (Me). You are always saying don’t get too close! Oh well, good luck Boo, Mum is hard to please.
leila says
As James handed the camera to Boo, we your loyal follows………..CHEERED. Yes, we’d like to see a “real” photo of the faces of ALL your family. Silly us!
Nichola says
Love it! First picture is the best/worst – that face haha. Also the bridge… hmmm nice silhouette? I actually kind of like the vastness of the last one, but it is definitely hard to tell who it is… You don’t see me in many pictures because I’m the one behind the camera. Look forward to seeing some of Boo’s work! 🙂
william says
this is so funny, because I used to do (and still sometimes am guilty of) “the landscape” shot. I’ve gotten over it though, and try not to let anything overshadow the human element and let the backgrounds come naturally. Luckily I had gotten better at only snapping at the rights moments when our son was born, and somehow go some nice delivery room photos, because guys are the worst at those! 😉 Love the blog.
alyson@worldtravelfamily says
Thank you William! Men and cameras at births should be banned. I can’t say delivery room because both of ours were homebirths. At least there was no possibility of the dreaded stirrups shot.
Suzanne Fluhr (Just One Boomer) says
We have the “dreaded stirrups shot” — complete with blood. Actually, it’s a photo of me holding our newborn son on the delivery table. I’m not sure why the stirrups and blood had to be in it. This was before digital photography, so there was no cropping or post production — just real life in all its grainy glory. (My husband’s a physician, so maybe he didn’t notice the blood. I have no idea.)
alyson@worldtravelfamily says
That’s worse Suzanne, so much worse! Made me laugh. At least mine were at home, on the sofa, no contraptions, just contractions.